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maladjusted19
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Name: maladjusted19
Gender: Female
Interests: I listen to music all the time. I love it. My Chemical Romance, Modest Mouse, The Killers, Green Day, The Shins, The Postal Service, Death Cab For Cutie, Bright Eyes, Finch, The White Stripes, Harry and the Potters, Franz Ferdinand, She Wants Revenge, Panic! At The Disco, and A.F.I. are my favorites. I like many more, though. oh yeah, and Harry Potter is pretty damn awesome. =]
Expertise: being awesome
Message: message me
Member Since:
1/4/2007
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| so things with j. and me are a lot better now. I'm so happy. =]
I tryed out for the play (high school musical, hah) and that went ok, I
suppose. today was the dancing part of the auditions and it was
like...I don't know. it was really hard. yesterday was the
monologue/singing thing, which was kind of anxious/nervous making cuz
you had to do it in front of everyone else who was trying out, but
yeah. I'll be pretty happy with a spot in the chorus, which is what
I'll most likely get. sooo yeah.
I might go to snow daze, which could potentially be fun. I like dressing up, but dancing not so much.
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| oh, I'm so cool. so I just got off the phone, and I'm still busy being
mad at him, and he was like "I love you." and I paused for about 10
seconds for dramatic effect...and then was like "...love you too." diss.
..................I'm so horrible.
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| so I'm not freaking out about all that stuff now, really. I give it
like another week or so...it probably won't matter anymore anyway. oh,
wow, c. just called him and called me back, and I guess j. is crying.
so hah, what else is new? what a fucking drama queen. it's HIS fault
that we're probably going to end up breaking up...I mean, I don't know
what to do anymore. he's pulling his emo drama shit like he's done a
million times before, and I don't even feel like calling him and
talking some sense into him. he should just suck it up and be a man.
when we're together he doesn't even act like he cares about me at all,
and I haven't seen him outside of school in like a whole fucking
month...we're never going to be able to sort this out. and we were
GOING to do stuff this weekend, but he got in trouble for going to b.'s
house. I mean, what the fuck, he always chooses his friends over me.
I'm sick of it. it's a long weekend too, we have monday off. so it
would have been perfect for like hanging out and actually talking for
once, but nooooo he has to get in trouble. oh, wow, he just texted me
and he's being all melodramatic as usual. *SIIIIIIIIIGH*
I've had enough
he's SO on probation.
in other news, my pathetic suicide attempt failed, although I could
have forseen that...I don't know, it wasn't really suicide, just like
blearrgh I've had enough, I want to hurt myself rather badly. I
swallowed half a bottle of tylenol and cut my wrist kind of badly...at
least, a bunch of blood spurted out and I bled for five hours. after I
took the pills I called j. in sort of a panic and he was freaking out
so I made myself throw up. annnnnnd then I passed out on the bathroom
floor. and then I slept for a few hours. and bled more. and my friends
came over and made me show my mom. and she didn't really care, she was
just pissed off. and so then I was sick the whole weekend and threw up
like 20 times. fun fun.
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| shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit shit what have I DONE?!?!??!
OH MY GOD WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I DONE
WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THINKING
how could I do that to him? he'll never find out. no. absolutely not,
he CAN'T. shit shit shit. shit shit shit shit. I swore that I'd never
do this. and look what happens now. oh my god this is what I hated the
most about K. and now look at me. I've gone and done it too. UGH I am
SO UNSPEAKABLY disgusted with myself right now.
l;kja#Woeihoza4trhi;owajfoiwajfoiwaj
how can I ever make this up? how will I forgive myself??!??
why did I even do that? was I fucking high or something? what the
hell......................... arrrrrrgh. I just talked to A. and she
says she won't tell anyone and that it will be a total secret. it HAS
to be otherwise things would be completely and unretrievably OVER with
me and J. forever. he wouldn't give me a second chance. if he did it to
me I wouldn't even give him a second chance. it meant nothing. it meant
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL. I don't like him. I might be attracted to
him, but it's not the same thing. I love J. I really do. so why and how
could I do this??????
I don't deserve anything. I should just die.
o 3iwej3j4w;atoisjioaSJER;LKSAJFN;LIAWE F;JNOIQ
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| augh I feel so gross. today I have had a bowl of cereal, applesauce,
chips, and nuts. like a bunch. and it's only 3:33. hey, that's lucky.
okokok I wish that....me and J. would be happy together and that I'd be
pretty. yay, I always wish for those two things when the clock is all
one number. I hope that they come true.
I was going to have people over at my house today, but J. can't do
anything cuz he's grounded so I don't feel like it. I mean, my mom was
all whatever about even letting people come over in the first place and
I don't feel like getting yelled at over it all next week if J. isn't
even going to be there. so oh well. it's kind of depressing, but I'm
not sure how much longer me and J. are going to last. It feels like
it's not going anywhere. what we really need to do is see eachother
outside of school and actually talk...but that just hasn't happened. he
lives like far away and his parents are crazy so he can never do
anything. I want to get to know him better, but I don't know how I'm
going to do that if I just keep on seeing him before school starts, in
band, then lunch, then for like 3 minutes when the school day is over.
everything has been kind of weird since he didn't tell me that he was
cutting and I found out from someone else. I told him that there had to
be communication with us, otherwise it wouldn't work, and he said that
he wouldn't hide anything else from me. but I feel like we need to talk
about that more, maybe, or just about everything in general. like us. I
don't know, maybe I'm making this whole thing too serious. but I feel
like I like him a lot and I don't want to just give up on this. he's
different than any of the other boyfriends I've had, I never really
took any of the other "relationships" seriously. I mean, how serious
can something be in middle school? but now it's like different and I
don't want to let this go too easily. things didn't work, AT ALL, with
K., and I want it to work with J. I really do. I just feel helpless,
though, like this weirdness is all my fault. I don't know what to do.
oh shit, my mom just got home
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